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[lastrat]

[This is not the face of a man well content with life. This is the face of a man pissed off at having slept for God knows how long.]

First he puts me to sleep for weeks, then he asks me to look after a child. I'm beginning to wonder if he actually expects redemption.

Weren't we just in port? [Fuck this ride, fuck the Admiral, grump grump grump.]

[Private to Ellie]

Meet me in the gym.

[Private to the Admiral]

I would comment on the fact that I'm a grown man and haven't written a letter to Father Christmas in decades, but I've the feeling it will fall on deaf ears.

Take your letters and sod off.

[And because he literally cannot resist, a check list.]

Vesper	.....	something for the cat to take a spin in.
Cassel	.....	a tailored suit. a bottle of fleur de champagne. condoms. [There was nose wrinkling.]
Peter	.....	a new camera. extra film/memory cards.
Chris	.....	a pomeranian.
Ellie	.....	something for the bloody sheep.
Selina	.....	the most expensive piece of art in the world. a french-english dictionary.
Elena	.....	twilight. [because he could do a thoughtful gift but why when he can bring sparling vampires into her life.]
Daneca	.....	copious alcohol. a martini glass. no - six martini glasses. she has to catch up.
Stark	.....	a toy sword. with plastic flames. lights up. etc.
Lark	.....	a stuffed dog.
Bush	.....	ship in bottle. hms nonsuch along its side.
Babs	.....	a little first aid kit. with a sign that reads 'FOR WOUNDED PRIDE' on top.
Natasha	.....	some russian cold war gadget. something ridiculous.
Abigail	.....	something with crocodile skin. boots, purse, i don't care.
Archer	.....	an invisible gun. maybe he'll shoot himself.
Esther	.....	a dead rat. [Because he will always be the last rat standing >(]

Comments

private

[inhell]

I don't want to talk about my file in the gym.

private

[lastrat]

What do you want to do?

[He can be gentle when he needs to be. Letting her decide things feels for the best.]

private

[inhell]

Don't know.

I guess maybe in the pen, with Matilda.

private

[lastrat]

[He is actively repressing a groan.] Wonderful.

[not wonderful!!!] And where did that end up?

private

[inhell]

You're the one who wants me talking.

It's in the gardens. [ She describes the place. ] And good thing she's not so stinky anymore.

private

[lastrat]

Yes, very good.

I'll meet you there in ten minutes.

private

[inhell]

[ She's there. And horribly nervous. She feels awful, a big sinking pit in her stomach. The lamb notices, and keeps well away from her.

So Ellie's sitting alone, on a bale of straw. ]

private

[lastrat]

[He follows her directions easily enough, and finds her sitting on the bale. When he approaches, he elects to lean against the fence instead, to save his clothes.]

Hello.

private

[inhell]

[ Hay is really uncomfortable and a little prickly, but she sits crosslegged up on it anyway, leaning her elbows on her knees. She doesn't have any fine clothes to protect, after all. ]

Well? Have you read it?

private

[lastrat]

I have.

[He has the file under his arm, pulls it out and offers it to her.]

Still not interested?

private

[inhell]

[ After a moment, sulkily, she snatches it away from him.

She starts turning through it. Her lips are pressed flat together, but trembling a little, all the same. ]

private

[lastrat]

[He sees it and doesn't comment. There's rarely a use in pointing out an obvious weakness, not beyond stoking his pride.

He stays silent for a little while, letting her look.]

Do you want to tell me about it?

private

[inhell]

Which part?

[ There are a lot of parts. All of them are horrible. ]

private

[lastrat]

[A shrug.] The war. Going back to it. Whatever part you'd like to.

private

[inhell]

I miss my mates.

[ This is the only thing that pops out, unbidden. She's been forcing herself not to think about it, but she does, she misses them like a missing limb. Like seven missing limbs. And some will be missing forever.

Bond has probably read between the lines in the file. She was with the same group of people the whole time, three of them lost by now. They would have grown to utterly depend on one another. Utterly trust one another. ]

private

[lastrat]

[It's a loss he can understand very well, not just from years old experiences as a soldier, but more recently. He already misses M.

He nods slowly.]

You'd be mad if you didn't. Tell me about them.

private

[inhell]

Fi - Fiona - she's my best mate, now. [ Now that Robyn and Corrie are dead. And Ellie feels deeply wretched at the thought, and all of its connotations. ] When we were in New Zealand, I could hardly stand to have her out of my sight, at first.

She looks so delicate, like a little faerie, but she's really, I don't know, really strong. Maybe stronger than any of us.

private

[lastrat]

People have a way of surprising you like that. How was she, in New Zealand?

private

[inhell]

We were all messes. They tried to have us speak to schools, for the war effort, and it was a meltdown on stage. Fi did okay after the first time, I think she prepared, but the rest of us... I think Homer shouted at an eight-year-old.

private

[lastrat]

[He's seen his share of PTSD and the like. It's not surprising, that these kids should suffer even after rescue.]

I'd have refused. [His work has always been out of the public light, fortunately.

...Save that one time he blew up an embassy.] Why did you agree to it?

private

[inhell]

Didn't seem like the sort of thing... I don't know. They stopped asking us, after a few times.

spam

[lastrat]

[He nods silently, watching her. After a pause, he goes back to the subject.]

Tell me about the ones you lost.

spam

[inhell]

[ A pause, then: ]

You know, some people rise up to meet danger, but some people just let it swallow them? [ She glances to him for confirmation. ] Homer was one of the first kind. He was daft, invented this game called Greek Roulette where you go around bashing your head against windows in turn, and if the window breaks on your skull you have to pay. And he lit trails of kerosene across the road to frighten passing cars.

But when everything started, he really became responsible, grown-up. He started figuring out what to do next. He was our strength.

Chris was the second kind.

He started drinking. Whenever we'd hide in a house, he'd raid their grog, you could smell it on him. Before noon, even. Or when we were planning to attack or sneak past something. He started writing in his notebook all the time, this crazy poetry - these images. It was really good. But he never talked to anyone about it. Finally we went off without him for a while, and we got delayed at the other end.

When we came back, we found him dead. Pinned. He didn't even die right away. Nobody killed him, it wasn't a battle. He was just gone.

spam

[lastrat]

[He nods at her question, then just listens. He carefully puts M out of mind, because this is about remembering her losses, not his. So he lets her words sink in, because those boys should be remembered for what they did. James would have idolized actions like that, when he was a boy. Not that he'd have admitted to it.]

And Robyn? Corrie?

spam

[inhell]

Corrie was my best friend.

[ She wipes at her eyes. ]

We came back from blowing up the bridge so happy. It was our first real strike. We'd made a difference. And when we came back she'd been shot.

Kevin took her to the hospital. She went in a coma, and then she never - woke up.

We grew up together, you know? Ellie and Corrie. It was always both of us, and then she was gone. Just a grave.