♠ | 022 | Video

[lastrat]

[This is not the face of a man well content with life. This is the face of a man pissed off at having slept for God knows how long.]

First he puts me to sleep for weeks, then he asks me to look after a child. I'm beginning to wonder if he actually expects redemption.

Weren't we just in port? [Fuck this ride, fuck the Admiral, grump grump grump.]

[Private to Ellie]

Meet me in the gym.

[Private to the Admiral]

I would comment on the fact that I'm a grown man and haven't written a letter to Father Christmas in decades, but I've the feeling it will fall on deaf ears.

Take your letters and sod off.

[And because he literally cannot resist, a check list.]

Vesper	.....	something for the cat to take a spin in.
Cassel	.....	a tailored suit. a bottle of fleur de champagne. condoms. [There was nose wrinkling.]
Peter	.....	a new camera. extra film/memory cards.
Chris	.....	a pomeranian.
Ellie	.....	something for the bloody sheep.
Selina	.....	the most expensive piece of art in the world. a french-english dictionary.
Elena	.....	twilight. [because he could do a thoughtful gift but why when he can bring sparling vampires into her life.]
Daneca	.....	copious alcohol. a martini glass. no - six martini glasses. she has to catch up.
Stark	.....	a toy sword. with plastic flames. lights up. etc.
Lark	.....	a stuffed dog.
Bush	.....	ship in bottle. hms nonsuch along its side.
Babs	.....	a little first aid kit. with a sign that reads 'FOR WOUNDED PRIDE' on top.
Natasha	.....	some russian cold war gadget. something ridiculous.
Abigail	.....	something with crocodile skin. boots, purse, i don't care.
Archer	.....	an invisible gun. maybe he'll shoot himself.
Esther	.....	a dead rat. [Because he will always be the last rat standing >(]

Comments

private

[myresponsibility]

It's like he just knows.

private

[lastrat]

That I can't stand anyone under the age of thirty? I'm certain he does. [BLITHE AS BLITHE CAN BE.]

private

[myresponsibility]

Can I ask a favor?

private

[lastrat]

You can't have your Christmas present early.

private

[myresponsibility]

Well, just because I can't, remember how you tried to get me to learn Systema?

[routemistress]

You'll be fine with Ellie. You're both of you sensible types. You know, given value of sensible and all that.

Nice to see your smiling face about again. Nip up to the spa later and I'll work some of your kinks out, eh?

[lastrat]

I suppose she has to be better than an actual psychopath.

[A massage sounds lovely so of course he just makes a noncommittal noise.] I'll see if I can find the time. [Because he's soooooooooooo busy here.]

[private]

[routemistress]

She's a good kid. She's tough and practical and sparky and there's nowt wrong with 'er barring 'aving 'ad a bad time.

She's got some sore spots. I don't know the story and I didn't ask, but she's skittish and reactive about booze. Someone drunk pushed 'er around or pushed 'er buttons sometime, maybe? Or one of them spiked drink stories? I'm not asking you either. It might be in the file and it might not.

Kiss your girlfriend, say hi to Ellie and get your arse up 'ere, James. I'm workng on a whiskey-scented massage oil and I need testers.

[private]

[lastrat]

[He's looked through the file already, in brief, and he knows she's likely right. He spotted mentions, short details, and so he doesn't really answer.]

She's a soldier in a war. [And she's too young for it. He does manage a wry smile, there.]

You wouldn't make me break out in hives, now would you Iris?

Re: [private]

[routemistress]

Was a soldier. I know that sort of thing takes a while to wear off. Poor kid. You can show 'er how not to cope by example.

Since when are you allergic to whiskey, you pillock?

private

[inhell]

[ Oh, you're awake. ]

Why?

private

[lastrat]

[Whoa calm down, reign in the excitement.]

Because I asked you to. Unless you've a preference for elsewhere.

private

[inhell]

Why the gym.

private

[lastrat]

[Dryly:] Because I can make you run laps more easily there. [Not actually the plan.]

private

[inhell]

You can't make me run laps anywhere.

[mistconduct]

Bitch a little louder, Bond, I don't think they heard you back in jolly ol' England.

[lastrat]

Shouldn't you be bringing me tea?

[mistconduct]

Do you seriously want tea? 'Cause I'll bring you some motherfucking tea.

[lastrat]

I'm surprised you know how to make it.

[mistconduct]

What's to know? You just boil some water and drop a bag in it, right? Fucking cake.

private

[bitteraftertaste]

How's your new partner?

private

[lastrat]

I almost miss the psychopath.

private

[bitteraftertaste]

Almost?

private

[lastrat]

Well. She was a touch psychotic.

private

[bitteraftertaste]

Why is Ellie here?