♠ | 022 | Video

[lastrat]

[This is not the face of a man well content with life. This is the face of a man pissed off at having slept for God knows how long.]

First he puts me to sleep for weeks, then he asks me to look after a child. I'm beginning to wonder if he actually expects redemption.

Weren't we just in port? [Fuck this ride, fuck the Admiral, grump grump grump.]

[Private to Ellie]

Meet me in the gym.

[Private to the Admiral]

I would comment on the fact that I'm a grown man and haven't written a letter to Father Christmas in decades, but I've the feeling it will fall on deaf ears.

Take your letters and sod off.

[And because he literally cannot resist, a check list.]

Vesper	.....	something for the cat to take a spin in.
Cassel	.....	a tailored suit. a bottle of fleur de champagne. condoms. [There was nose wrinkling.]
Peter	.....	a new camera. extra film/memory cards.
Chris	.....	a pomeranian.
Ellie	.....	something for the bloody sheep.
Selina	.....	the most expensive piece of art in the world. a french-english dictionary.
Elena	.....	twilight. [because he could do a thoughtful gift but why when he can bring sparling vampires into her life.]
Daneca	.....	copious alcohol. a martini glass. no - six martini glasses. she has to catch up.
Stark	.....	a toy sword. with plastic flames. lights up. etc.
Lark	.....	a stuffed dog.
Bush	.....	ship in bottle. hms nonsuch along its side.
Babs	.....	a little first aid kit. with a sign that reads 'FOR WOUNDED PRIDE' on top.
Natasha	.....	some russian cold war gadget. something ridiculous.
Abigail	.....	something with crocodile skin. boots, purse, i don't care.
Archer	.....	an invisible gun. maybe he'll shoot himself.
Esther	.....	a dead rat. [Because he will always be the last rat standing >(]

Comments

[lastrat]

Positively astounded. [Mocking Chris is Barge Hobby no. 1.]

[mistconduct]

Shyeah. Don't tell me I don't know my motherfucking tea.

Sit tight. I'll bring some.

[lastrat]

If you bring me something floral, I will throw it overboard.

[mistconduct]

Floral? I'm bringing you tea, Jim.

[lastrat]

Tea comes in flavors, D'Amico.

[mistconduct]

Yeah. Yeah, like coffee. But coffee doesn't taste floral.

[lastrat]

What flavors does tea come in?

[mistconduct]

Like...Earl Grey and....green, and...lemon and...


Fuck me, I don't know. It's fucking leaves in water, how complicated can it possibly be?

[lastrat]

[He may be trying to hide a chuckle.]

Find black tea.

[mistconduct]

What, is that some kind of goth thing?

[lastrat]

[Inside is a brit who is crying.]

Forget the bloody tea.

[mistconduct]

No! No, come on, I can get it! I'm gonna go boil water! You'll drink the fuck out of some tea!

[lastrat]

At this right, you're like to burn yourself doing it.

cw; sexual language issues. No one is surprised.

[mistconduct]

Shut up. You'll drink it and it'll be so awesome it's like you're back sucking on your mom's tit again.

It's like..Tea teat treats.

NOT EVEN REMOTELY

[lastrat]

Do us a favor and throw yourself over the rail, hm?

[mistconduct]

You're a warden now. Can't talk to me like that. Sets a bad example for your inmate.

[lastrat]

Fortunately, she has more sense than you.

Not that that's difficult to achieve.

[mistconduct]

Wow. Just kick me in the balls, why don't you?

Fuck your tea. Get it yourself.

[lastrat]

That would be rude. You don't even have legs to cross.

[mistconduct]

Fuck you, my prosthetics are working great.

[lastrat]

What, you're walking now?

[mistconduct]

Did you not see my latest post?

I'm totally walking.

[lastrat]

You may have heard, I've been asleep for a while.

[He totally saw.]

[mistconduct]

Yeah, no excuse. I'm fucking mobile now. Hold onto your crumpets.

[lastrat]

I'm positively terrified.