♠ | 002 | Video
[Much different from the man who posed skepticism and disbelief a few days ago, Bond is now smiling. He looks at ease, and for once like he isn't constantly on guard. It erases some lines from his face, makes him look a little younger, a little lighter.]
I never was much for Christmas, you know. Can't understand why now. It's nice, isn't it? The coming together, the gaiety of it all. I think I've been rather rude since I got here, and I'd like to apologize to you all. I'm sure you've only been trying to help, and I ought to have been more receiving. That's what this season's all about, isn't it? Setting aside your disbelief and believing in miracles.
[Another warm smile, and he nods.] I think I like that.
[Private to the Admiral]
[This list will be angrily replaced later, but for now, happiness and good will towards man and all that.]
Haven't written one of these since I was a boy, but if you insist:
For Ivy, a beautiful dress. Green, naturally. With a leaf motif, since she seems so fond. For Castiel - I think he could use a halo, don't you? For Lark - Mm. I'm not very good at this. Aftershave, or cologne, something expensive that he'll enjoy.
And for Vesper-- [He trails off, thinking hard.] A necklace, I think. With a key on it. [A pause, then a smile. Yes, that'll do nicely.]
[Spam for Vesper]
[When he ended the post, he realized he was just sitting here alone, with Vesper only next door. Why shouldn't he believe miracles? She was dead, and now she was alive. And he'd attacked her. James hung his head for a moment, and reached into his jacket pocket, where he could turn her Algerian love knot over in his hand. This was stupid; he ought to apologize. He ought to go and enjoy her company. He ought to let her soothe the ache in his chest. Why shouldn't he?
So a moment later, he was at her door, knuckles tapping against the wood quickly.]
I never was much for Christmas, you know. Can't understand why now. It's nice, isn't it? The coming together, the gaiety of it all. I think I've been rather rude since I got here, and I'd like to apologize to you all. I'm sure you've only been trying to help, and I ought to have been more receiving. That's what this season's all about, isn't it? Setting aside your disbelief and believing in miracles.
[Another warm smile, and he nods.] I think I like that.
[Private to the Admiral]
[This list will be angrily replaced later, but for now, happiness and good will towards man and all that.]
Haven't written one of these since I was a boy, but if you insist:
For Ivy, a beautiful dress. Green, naturally. With a leaf motif, since she seems so fond. For Castiel - I think he could use a halo, don't you? For Lark - Mm. I'm not very good at this. Aftershave, or cologne, something expensive that he'll enjoy.
And for Vesper-- [He trails off, thinking hard.] A necklace, I think. With a key on it. [A pause, then a smile. Yes, that'll do nicely.]
[Spam for Vesper]
[When he ended the post, he realized he was just sitting here alone, with Vesper only next door. Why shouldn't he believe miracles? She was dead, and now she was alive. And he'd attacked her. James hung his head for a moment, and reached into his jacket pocket, where he could turn her Algerian love knot over in his hand. This was stupid; he ought to apologize. He ought to go and enjoy her company. He ought to let her soothe the ache in his chest. Why shouldn't he?
So a moment later, he was at her door, knuckles tapping against the wood quickly.]
[Spam]
I'm sorry. Vesper-- [But instead of saying more, he shifts up to kiss her neck, then just resting there on her shoulder. She smells just the same as he remembers.]
[Spam]
[Spam]
I would have gotten you out, [he whispered against her neck. He would have given her his last breath to get her to the top.]
[Spam]
I didn't want you to. [And it hurt to admit, it hurt to think about, but she couldn't stop. She'd thrown the dress she'd worn in the bottom of her closet where she wouldn't have to see it again.] I knew- [And her voice cracked, so she swallowed before continuing, trying to talk through it.
Maybe it wasn't fair, to say this now, but she wanted to explain, to tell him why she'd done it.] I knew you'd hate me for what I did. I couldn't live with that.
[Spam]
I can't hate you. It would be so much easier if I could-- [He runs his fingers through her hair, shaking his head.] Part of my drowned with you.
[Spam]
Her vision blurred and she blinked, taking a shaky breath.]
I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I know you don't have any reason to trust me, but that's the truth.
[Spam]
I want to trust you. [But she'd lied, worse, she'd fooled him, and that was alarming. Still, tis the season, isn't it? Now is the time to forgive, forget, move on. So he leaned up and kissed her, one hand running the length of her spine.]
[Spam]
So she pulled back after a moment, but rested her forehead against his, a hand gently cupping the back of his neck.]
Did you- [She had to swallow, trying to force her throat to loosen up.] Do you know why? [She'd been working for Quantum, she'd betrayed him, she couldn't force herself to say it.]
[Spam]
Your boyfriend, Yusef. They grabbed him. [He ran the back of his hand over her shoulder, not sure how to comfort her with this.] Best way to blackmail someone is to use their loved ones.
[Spam]
Yeah. [She was crying, just a little, but manages a sad smile anyway, and she she couldn't hide the affection in her expression as she looked at him.] I suppose I've proved that a few times, haven't I?
[It's self depreciating humor, because she'd done it again, with Bond. She'd turned into some awful cliche without even realizing it.]
[Spam]
[Spam]
She reaches out to stroke his hair gently, expression fond and at the same time desperately sad.]
I do love you, you know. [She hadn't let herself say it before, when she'd known it couldn't last, when all it would do was make the damage worse. But, well. She meant it. More than anything.]
[Spam]
I do believe that's the first time you've said so.
[He'd known - he'd thought he'd known. Then he'd convinced himself she hadn't. It was easier that way.]
[Spam]
I know. But I have for quite a while, by now. [Before she'd even consciously realized it, even. He was sweet and charming and a complete asshole, and she apparently couldn't help it.]
[Spam]
When did it start being about me? [Or when had he deal stopped being for Yusef's life. M had already given her supposition, but he needed to hear it from her.]
[Spam]
When Le Chiffre took us, and Quantum arrived to take care of him, I promised them the money if they'd let you live. [It had been immediate. She hadn't hesitated before begging them to let him live, to take him to a hospital instead of shooting him in the head, even though she'd known what it would mean for Yusef.
She snuggled closer, and her voice was thick with emotion again.]
I knew what that would mean, but I couldn't even think about Yusef, I just didn't want you to be hurt anymore and I couldn't let them kill you.
[Spam]
He decided to die, to let her die, rather than give up the password. She'd done the exact opposite, and he could feel some quiet guilt squirming in his stomach as he decided not to bring it up.]
I never thanked you. [He kissed her shoulder lightly, and there was a silent apology there, too, for what he couldn't tell her.]
[Spam]
You don't have to. I'd do it again, if I had to. [Not that she hoped she would, but she meant it. She'd do anything for him, even now.
She lifted her head carefully to kiss his cheek.] I love you.
[Spam]
I know. [And he leans in to kiss her, full of the quiet affection that he hasn't felt since he realized she'd betrayed him.]
[Spam]
So she kissed him back, even as the logical part of her mind kept insisting this was a terrible idea, this was only going to make it hurt worse when this was over and she'd hate herself for being like this when all was said and done. But for the moment, she didn't care, mostly able to block it out.]
[Spam]
It feels like a long moment later, though maybe it's only a second, that he slides his arm under her knees again, and stands in one fluid movement, already starting toward her bedroom.]