♠ | 027 | Video + Spam

[lastrat]

[Bond has a lot of weapons. A lot. He has a small gun locker filled with guns for all occasions. He has a small arsenal. And what is he armed with? Not his Walther, not an assault rifle or a sniper, but a plastic sword.

He's also dressed in a beautifully fitted Tom Ford suit. He thinks it's a suit of armor, but you can trust James Bond to look damn good while he larps.

When he holds the communicator up, it's clear he's standing near the gym's entrance. The look on his face is very serious as he looks up into the camera, fake sword propped on his shoulder.]

In the name of all that's Holy, [and wow he will be laughing at this later], none will pass into this realm.

[And there's a bit of fumbling for a moment, while he finds a place to set the communicator up. Drama and staging are important. Backing up a few steps, he points his (very fake, did I mention how fake it looks) sword at the screen.]

Any who try shall regret crossing blades with - wait--

[He pulls a die from his pocket and crouches down to roll it. When he sees the result, he nods definitively and rises again, pocketing his token.]

None who cross blades with Sir Shieldhart shall live.

Comments

[myresponsibility]

[It could be worse, Bond. Plastic swords and dice and everything are embarrassing and all, but at least you don't have a towel tied around your neck like a cape, and a sweatshirt with a hood up on, and apparently ready to take on whatever challenges to your position as gym sentry might come with what looks like the flimsiest plastic bow ever sold in a Toys R Us in hand.

Because all of that is what Peter's got going on right now, and he looks like a complete idiot. Yes, more so than usual.

Still, he approaches Bond with absolutely no shame and addresses him with complete sincerity.]

Sir Shieldhart, [And you're being saluted. That is a thing that is happening now.] Lasdir Leaftree, a ranger from the northern border. I would be honored to fight by your side.

[lastrat]

[That is terrible armor, good ranger, and Bond id giving him a bit of an Eye for it. All the same, he nods, because reinforcements are always welcome. Never too many cooks in the kitchen when it comes to proper battle.]

Welcome, Leaftree. You must have sharp eyes. Can I trust you to play our scout?

[myresponsibility]

[IT IS FOR MOVEMENT AND FLEXIBILITY AND DRAMATIC HEROIC POSING.]

Of course. Anything to help protect the realm.

[lastrat]

[OKAY REMEMBER THAT FOR MOCKING PURPOSES LATER.]

Good man. I'll guard this entrance, you range a head, and keep your eyes sharp. I expect a full report within the hour.

[myresponsibility]

[YOU ARE THE WORST although he feels like this is something he can forgive being mocked for.]

Will do, Sir. [And rangers don't really salute, but it kind of seems like he might do it anyway. Being a huge loser and all.]

[lastrat]

[Bond gives him a fully appropriate salute because whatever, paladins totally do that. With a curt nod, he shifts his attention back to the hall, taking up his duty again, sword in one hand, die in another.]

[beingdifferent]

[Esther stares. And stares more. What is this, sir? Flood or not, this is just so ridiculous there are not words for it.]

Your name is Sir Shieldhart?

[lastrat]

[It's incredibly ridiculous, and the best part is he doesn't realize it at all.]

Aye, my lady, it is. Have you not heard of the brave Shieldharts past? [Family name to live up to, etc. etc.]

[beingdifferent]

[What.

This is so stupid she can't even be angry with him right now. She actually feels a little sorry for Bond.]

Unfortunately, I've not.

[lastrat]

[He would probably be insulted by that, normally, but as it is he is all to eager to tell her about his great family history.]

I must say, that is a surprise. I come from a long line of heroes - there was great-great uncle, who slew the Dragon of the North, and my great-great-great-grandfather, who met the Hordes from the West and singlehandedly brought their menace down.

[He's very proud.]

[darknessb4me]

Oh for fuck's sake.

[lastrat]

Watch your language, sir. There are ladies about.

[darknessb4me]

Clearly you've never met Sarah Connor. Do you realize that there are better weapons right behind you than that toy you're carrying?

[lastrat]

Toy? This is the sword of my forefathers, I will hear no insult to it.

[darknessb4me]

I have to wonder why you'd pick a blade at all when it's easier to incapacitate without killing when you have a mace.

[mistconduct]

Sir Shieldheart?

Try sounding a little less like a fucking Care Bear next time.

[lastrat]

I can't say I've ever found a bear to be very caring.

[mistconduct]

You're just not looking at the right kind of bears.

[lastrat]

And where would I find these caring bears, precisely?

[mistconduct]

Care-a-Lot. Duh.

[Spam] /late

[forsaken_queen]

[She's so done with annoying, fake paladins. Real ones are bad enough, but seriously, what was with half the flood making people into over the top cliche versions of paladins? There were other classes out there. Give her an over the top warlock or shadow priest any day.

So when she sees yet another paladin announcing themselves, she goes right for him. She has to roll the dice of course, no getting around that annoyance. And unfortunately, it's not very high, only a 7. Unless he gets something smaller, he's going first. But then, his sword is fake so, she's not really worried.]

I'm here to hit you in the face. Just to let you know.

[Spam] <3!

[lastrat]

[His eyebrows rise, and he looks down at his sword, then back up at her. On the one hand, she's a lady. He can't strike a lady!

On the other hand, she looks like she might be one of the undead masses, and he should probably strike those down.]

I see you've yet to master the art of surprise.

[But he takes out his die and rolls - a five. That is certainly a look of consternation on his face.]

[Spam] <333!

[forsaken_queen]

Oh I've mastered it. I just don't care any more

[Since she gets to go first the dice comes back out and she rolls. 17. Much better. She grins at the results for only a moment before she punches him face.

Sylvanas makes her own fun. u_u]

[Spam]

[lastrat]

[This is not fun, Sylvanas, this is definitely. Not. Fun.

Especially because he mostly just stands there and takes the punch, which means his nose is bleeding now, damn it.

Trying to staunch its flow with one hand, he uses his other to level his fake sword at her with a very useful glare.]

Were you not a woman I'd strike you down where you stand. [No.]

[Spam]

[forsaken_queen]

[It's fun for her. That's what matters here.]

Well, now I'm going to have to hit you again just on principle.

[And she will if you don't take your turn. Hell she'll hit you again anyway for that comment. Because your sword is fake and won't even leave a mark, no matter how good a roll you get, "Shieldhart".]