[Her eyes flood with tears at that point, and she still can't look at him.] I'm miserable because I can't stand the way you look at me, and I know I deserve it. I hate myself and what I did, and sometimes I wish I'd never taken the Admiral up on his offer, because I don't want to live with any of this. I want to be dead.

[She glances over at him finally, still fighting to keep her voice from wobbling and only half succeeding.]

I want to ask you to leave, but I'd really rather you stay. I miss you, even though I know I don't deserve you, and I know you'd rather leave and go back to pretending as though we don't know each other. I hate myself for still hurting you just because I'm here, and I might leave if you asked me to. I'd like to pretend that I wouldn't, but I might.